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Effie Trinket Goes to the Emmys

December 13, 2012
Yes, I am stunning.

Yes, I am stunning.

 

Welcome, welcome. My name is Effie Trinket and you may have seen me on television as a mentor for District 12 during the illustrious Hunger Games. In fact I know you’ve seen me on the Hunger Games since our great government requires that all citizens enjoy every exciting moment of our most compelling television event. Now even though I am forced to be a mentor for the rather primitive District 12, I do have excellent taste and discretion where it comes to fashion. Since I know that many of us are a little challenged in the fashion department I have decided to take time out of my busy schedule to review some fashion from this years Emmy Awards. I think the wonderful thing about this opportunity is that even though most of you will never wear gorgeous designer dresses you get to enjoy all of my wonderful advice. I have selected several tributes who exhibited stunning fashion that I know will inspire all of your drab lives.

  The Modern Suit of Armor
Lucy Liu in Versace

Lucy Liu in Versace

In these troubled times a dress that doubles as protection from violent uprisings is as practical as it is beautiful. The next time you venture out into the dangerous city streets consider donning a metal dress. You’ll look stunning and be protected from violent rebels. You may ask “Isn’t this dress extremely heavy?” Well, sometimes extreme discomfort is the price of looking marvelous.

The Sexy Coal Miner 

January Jones in Zac Posen

January Jones in Zac Posen

From the swirling layers of organza to the bold smokey eye to the lacquered hairstyle – this ensemble screams drama. You, too, can create a similar sense of drama by replicating January’s hair and makeup at home. Smudge your eyelids with the darkest shade of eyeliner you can find to get that vampy look. Slick back you hair with copious amounts of hair gel making sure it sticks as close to your skull as possible. I just love that! With this dramatic new look you can be sure that you will always draw attention.

The Girl on Fire

Ginnifer Goodwin in Monique Lhuillier

Ginnifer Goodwin in Monique Lhuillier

Who can forget the flaming outfits immortalized by Katniss Everdeen? This dress clearly follows that trend without resorting to the use of pyrotechnics. I am all in favor of a dramatic entrance but this dress very successfully shows a softer, more toned down version of a blazing dress. If you love the idea of fire but do not wish to engulf yourself in actual flames, tell your stylist to look out for bright reds and oranges in fire-like patterns. You all have stylists don’t you? Well if not, do the best that you can on your own.

                                                                                   

 Sunny Sophistication

Julianne Moore in Christian Dior Couture

Julianne Moore in Christian Dior Couture

With a simple, flattering silhouette and a bright pop of color this dress is as close to perfection as you can get. Julianne looks young and fresh but still classy and sophisticated. Perhaps you find that your existence out in the districts seems drab and colorless? Well, I suggest you incorporate bold color into your wardrobe. Unless you spend your time trying to camouflage in the forest while hunting for survival, adding bright colors will make your life infinitely better.

   VOLUME

Zooey Deschanel and Phoebe Price

Zooey Deschanel and Phoebe Price

There is truly nothing I love more than a voluminous silhouette. I simply live for puffed sleeves, pouffy skirts, and fluffy corsages. Take a hint from these starlets and add some mass to your clothing. Remember: the more fabric, the more dramatic your ensemble will be. Don’t be afraid of looking ridiculous! That drunkard, Haymitch often pokes fun at my daring ensembles but what does he know! You can’t let the opinions of common people influence your fashion choices. 

Well my dears we have come to the end of our time together. I know that you must soon return to the horrid drudge of your daily existence. I must hurry off to a banquet held in President Snow’s honor where I plan to eat at least 10 meals as the food will be excellent.

Cinna has just pointed out that it is rather insensitive of me to be talking about my privileged life when most of you struggle for your very survival but I think it is nice for you to be reminded of the splendors of the capital. After all maybe some of you will be lucky enough to be chosen as tribute in next years Hunger Games and you will experience the luxury of the capital for yourselves.

So until next time, may the odds be ever in your favor.

Happy Hunger Games!

Happy Hunger Games!

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